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It's the same him, the same shit, but I'm different now. It feels dissonant; frightening. Like I thought I knew what I wanted, and it wore a leather jacket and smelled like engine-oil and booze, and rode motorcycles with a devil-may-care attitude, and bent me over those motorcycles and fucked me with that same devil-may-care attitude. But now it all just seems a little... adolescent. Small. Ethan, me, all of it.So when he held on to my wrist with that shark-tooth grin, all fucking drunk and stanky, not letting me go until he got what he wanted.. I think I wanted to feel that again. I wanted to feel.. smaller. I wanted to feel like everything was normal, and Ethan knew what he was doing, and what he was doing was my mouth. So I dropped to my knees, and nuzzled into his crotch. I felt him go hard as I unzipped him and fished out his cock. I spit on it, how he likes, and ticked his nuts, and as I start working him up and down -- like REALLY goin at it, moaning like a little bitch at. Luke and Fiona tended to know a lot about all different kinds of music – they introduced me to a lot of music that I listen to now. I tended to be the closest to Simon, and would hang out with Simon most.All of them were cis gendered and tending towards being straight and so when I tried to explain how I was feeling around gender they thought that I was trans, which was really only partially true. Or they thought that maybe I was gay. These were just categories that they already knew of that they resorted to, but they were open to it being different than that and to referring to me as ‘they’ rather than ‘he’.Sometimes there would be periods where two people in our group went out together for a little bit or something like that – Cassie and Andre were together for the longest time so their dynamic was the most absorbed into the group but other than that it just created awkwardness and it seemed to generally get dissolved because it turned out that it was better when we were all just.
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